Naivete

Ya know what? I honestly can't remember the last time I thought about what I truly want, and today it decided to start eating away at me. So much has happened within the last year that I've lost sight of the things that meant the most to me, and I can't believe I've let myself get this deep. I've put faith in so many people, relationships, my job, and almost all of that is up in the air. Don't get me wrong my job is fun, but I just don't think it suits me anymore. I like the people that I work with, for the most part, but I think it's just time that I move on. Let that be another chapter ended on my journey. The few things I can always take with me is my friendship with the most awesome Melissa, and quite a bit of experience, considering it introduced me to the real world. School used to be such an important part of my life growing up. I was satisfied with nothing less than success in everything that I did. That surely has gotten away from me. Now more than ever that should be my first priority. Before relationships, work, and all.
Faith that I have bestowed in people in the last year could take up another blog. The hardest thing to do is let go of someone that you love. But I think a time comes when you realize that until you do, nothing can get better. About a year ago I did this exact thing, and it really did help me to find a few things in myself. But now I've reached another point that it's time to let a few more go. It hurts a lot, and the pain will worsen, but maybe there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. No one stays forever. Honesty from anyone is hard to come by. I've been so naive to the words I've been hearing. I put trust in all the wrong people and situations. I've planned my life around a few individuals....and yet they've each vanished with time. Will I ever learn? Sure doesn't seem like it. And now that I feel that I'm doing the right thing..I feel more alone than ever. One of the guys I work with the other day told me that anyone who would pass up the chance to be with me when I've given my whole heart, is comepletely retarded. Haha, he makes me laugh. I appreciate him and respect him a lot. I guess it could be true. He sees a lot in me that I don't most of the time. Sometimes you need someone like that around to remind you what you've got deep down. If nothing lasts forever, then what makes love the exception?? That holds so much truth at this point in my life. I can only wait so long to find it. Can you blame me for being impatient? It's been long enough. I need to find someone who truly appreciates me, everything I have to offer. Someone that I can hold a conversation on more than two topics with daily. Someone who would jump at the chance and be faithful in a heartbeat. Haha, I look in all the wrong people.
I guess my time will come, but when is the question. Maybe I should just focus on me. Live up to no one's expectations but my own. I'm not here to wait around for others, I'm not here to fill any voids. Concentrate on what means the most to me, and nothing else. All else will fall into place with time.